There are times....Like around old friends and older family, when you just have to love em and you bite your tongue and smile. But sometimes, behind these smiling eyes, I think things different than I would say to them, I mean, they mean well and everything, but.....nice gets a bit old too.
Some of the things I thought but didn't say:
"Just because my Mother calls me "Susie Sunshine" does not mean everyone else has permission to call me that"
"YES, I could use a little "meat on my bones" but you're not going to solve that over Thanksgiving"
"NO, I'm not eating 'stuffing', who knows what you put in it!"
"Yes, I really am 45, can't you count? What are you going to do next pinch my cheek"
"NO, I did not shrink, I've always been shorter, my sisters are TALL"
"NO, I have not had any "work" done, look at my mother...I have her genes"
"NO, I do not need to get more sun, look what it's done for you"
"NO, I do not have any tattoo's or piercings...that would be my other siblings. Why ask me?"
"NO, I do not want another piece of your foul fowl, I ate it once, that's enough"
"NO. There is not a chance in hell that I'm even coming to your house if you roast waterfowl."
"NO. I did not become a crunchy granola type in California! It took a lifetime to learn to eat healthy foods"
"NO, I do not drink coffee, I drink green tea with lots of honey"
"YES, I would love a piece of pumpkin pie, but keep that fake whipped cream away from my pie"
"YES, I'll have wine"
"NO, that's not a contradiction, I pick my poisons"
"YES, I still listen to that weird music"
"Now, pass me that bottle of Wild Turkey"
So, when I've OD'ed on "NICE....where do I go....Where I always go when I'm in a foul, belligerent, obnoxious mood ...To Lydia, the queen of obnoxious and belligerence! She is the perfect compliment to my little miss sunshine niceness.
No one could possibly offend as well does, and no one is the Queen of anti-nice like she is.
I'll take it easy on you though, some less offensive stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4ole_bRTdwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cEMlb_T3K4