New Lexus

I just got my new Lexus RX400H, and returned to the dealer the next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" He said, "Nelson! The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" He continued...and On The Road Again came from the speakers.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven!" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles!" I'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled..... "A$$H*#+S!"

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Condoleesa Rice and Carl Rove backed up by Dick Cheney on guitar, Bill Frist on drums and Tom Delay on sax....

Damn, I LOVE this car...

Big Bird quarantined for avian flu

The Sesame Street Journal is reporting that PBS superstar Big Bird has been quarantined as a possible carrier of the deadly and horrifying avian flu.

Also wanted for questioning by the U.S. government -- the international chicken kingpin, Col. Harlan Sanders of Kentucky.

To help people avoid being slain by the impending $800 billion pandemic, the U.S. Department of Death Prevention has issued a pamphlet entitled "Facts & Myths About the Deadly and Horrifying Bird Flu Pandemic."

The following activities may increase your risk of exposure to avian flu:
-- slaughtering chickens
-- consuming tainted Eggs Benedict
-- getting crapped on by an infected pigeon
-- guzzling Grey Goose vodka
-- sharing a needle with a heroin-addicted penguin
-- administering mouth-to-beak resuscitation to a wounded fighting cock
-- cleaning bird cages and re-filling bird feeders

The following activities probably DO NOT cause bird flu:
-- canoodling with a parakeet
-- sitting on a toilet seat at Kentucky Fried Chicken
-- consuming Chicken of the Sea brand tuna
-- shaking hands with NBA legend Larry Bird
-- boning a chicken breast
-- getting nailed by a woodpecker
-- flamingo dancing
-- a sudden desire to join Pink Flamingo and actually buy one

The following are tell-tale symptoms that you may have contracted bird flu:
-- a sudden craving for earthworms and seeds
-- involuntary chirping
-- twitching or "flapping" of the arms
-- an unexplainable desire to pack your sleeping area with twigs and pine needles
-- crapping in the hallway, garage or on car windows
-- whistling back to birds in the morning mists

This just in: To avoid any risk of wiping out the entire U.S. population, Thanksgiving and Easter are being canceled until further notice. As for the economic impact, leading financial ornithologists recommend investing in pork futures.

One final note: Avoid hummingbirds. Keep your cat indoors

I think I have found a way to make the USA energy independent.

Corned beef and cabbage.

Put a bunch of wind in your sails, eh?

Marine and AfterGlow ( I'm not sure what to call you .. joe or AG?) you guys are the best ! I came in feeling really down and the two of you have me sitting here laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes !

Yours was the topper Marine.. I laughed out loud.

THANK YOU BOTH !

And my condolences to Mrs Marine.

Wish I could post those movies or the links to them of college students setting themselves on fire while trying to light the gas from processed food.

When I watch those movie clips, I know the future of our nation will be in good hands.

Oh, like you haven't done it!

Marine, here's something Ms. Marine might want to check out:

http://www.4to40.com/newsat4/2002a.htm



edit to add: Betty, aren't you glad you've joined such a classy bunch????

Fleets would work faster.

Probably, but Fleets don't taste nearly as good. I think they don't anyway. Haven't actually ever eaten one.

My kind of people Pegatha..

Was watching too many games last night to visit Chat. My son fell asleep on the sofa while watching one of them. Today, we watched an NIT game: watched Manhattan College whip University of Maryland! My late husband and all of my brother in laws went to Manhattan - so we were cheering Manhattan today. Then there was the Duke game this afternoon. Yes, he has always been a Duke fan. Now he is off playing a pick up game of basketball, naturally. I just learned he has two weeks off for break; however, not too many of his highschool chums are around - they all have different spring breaks. He's going to spend some of it with his girlfriend up at her college - she didn't get to come home because she is playing lacrosse this Spring. He's having dinner though with some friends tonight, and its cheap eats for me. That's OK. I can settle in, get cozy, and who knows even manage to watch something other than basketball.

Heck no! I have standards which I keep in a box up in the closet upstairs.

From the article Pegatha posted a link to:



One thing I like about CGCS. It gets me smarter. I now know the ingredients of human farts.

And if you watched Mythbusters last week, you learned you can't suffocate yourself in your sleep.

hi finally got on line I put a wifi card in their puter someone in the area has wifi feed, then had to get the paid subscription cgcs I guess they didn't know who the paypal was from, got that straight today.
guess who's on the know fly list me, had the run around when trying to get the eticket
will be back home on monday they say it's 41 in ky been in the 80 to 93 during the day, nights around 65 still to cool for the pool

nope sea food and mexican in the same day makes the best

The car of the future:

I'm reading these posts and laughing so hard the tears are streaming...

In keeping with the "windy" theme......
Okay marine, you started it....




Polite fellow, at least he apologized.....


Hey, who am I to judge...?
]

Help is here for Marine and all who suffer from an abundance of "hot air"....

Well, CO, any of those will do. AFTERGLOW, GLOW, joe e , Joe, Bosun or just about anything works for me. But AG might cause someone to think I am Alberto Gonzales, the Attorney General...

Didn't see the truth about gas at the site but did learn that Bob Hope won a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest in Cleveland but Charlie Chaplin himself didn't even make the final rounds in one such contest held in San Francisco.

How did you ever end up on the No Fly list? How long will you be in Texas?

This works for me...

So, someone pulled God's finger and we ended up with Hurricane Katrina.

maybe the name james watt they took a look at the driver lic and ver the age glanced at the carry on that was all see yall monday the 20th

This one is less severe; no hurricane, just broken windows...

Hey Lenal,

I see you down there! Welcome aboard!

-Pegatha

Hi, lenal. Welcome aboard, and enjoy yourself. joe e

Time for a little music from the GLOW...

Test time? http://www.queendom.com/cgi-bin/tests/transfer.cgi

This is an on-line Hostility Test - here are my results althought I had a little difficulty selecting an answer on a couple of the questions.

The Hostility Test: Results
Your score = 31

Interpretation

Your test results indicate that you are not a very hostile person. You are generally even-tempered, non-aggressive, and trusting. Congratulations - you are on the right track to healthy relationships, emotional well being, and excellent heart health.

24 points with the same interpretation as yours, Cardinal....

Your test results indicate that you are not a very hostile person. You are generally even-tempered, non-aggressive, and trusting. Congratulations - you are on the right track to healthy relationships, emotional well being, and excellent heart health.

30

I tried to be honest. Can't believe I'm less hostile than Redbird! I even put that I somewhat agreed that most people are dishonest on their tax returns!

My composite score was 27 and I got a 12 on the Hostile behavior subscore.

Oh My God! You didn't!!!

Maybe this is what we all have in common - a low hostility level?

Shocking, I know.

Here is a quick test to find out if one is smarter then the average pro football player who may make several hundred thousand in a year.

Remember to start the timer before answering the questions. The time limit is 2 minutes.

Wonderlic sample

I scored a 38, but surely I'm more hostile than that?

Interpretation

Your test results indicate that you are not a very hostile person. You are generally even-tempered, non-aggressive, and trusting. Congratulations - you are on the right track to healthy relationships, emotional well being, and excellent heart health.

I scored 27. But there are times when I think very hostile thoughts. Just learned to keep my mouth shut.

A 32 on the hostility test.
But the options were weird- in some cases I would have reacted in a way not listed.
I think that I am much more hostile in reality.

Well, like Betty, I got a few good chuckles when I came to catch up on the thread.
Silly beyond the pale, guys.

Snuff, great to hear your son has a two week break. (MrPie has missed far
too many games this weekend with St. Paddy's Day party & a relative in from
out of town.)

So good to see vet check in with us !
Not so good to be on the no-fly list. And sorry no pool use,
despite the warm air temps. That's pretty typical of early spring and late fall
in the south, though. Hope he has a great vacation !

Good Night All:

Hey Marine, did you ever used to light your farts? We used to do that in the rec room- watchin' TV, talkin' trash, and making bets about who could blow out the longest blue flame!

The Hostility Test: Results
Your score = 31

Interpretation

Your test results indicate that you are not a very hostile person. You are generally even-tempered, non-aggressive, and trusting. Congratulations - you are on the right track to healthy relationships, emotional well being, and excellent heart health.

... and I let them use my results

Umm...scored 46..

Your test results indicate that while you are no stranger to hostile impulses, you generally exercise control over them. You may wish to identify the situations that trigger defensiveness, cynicism, and aggression, in order to better anticipate and manage them.

hey...I don't think they consider some cultural issues here...it's emotion not hostility..right???right???Passion..right????

You guy's still gonna be my friends? I guess it's back to charm school for moi!

Hey I see you fellow nite owls - WS and Desron..or are you multi tasking?

Have to say CO (Betty) it is ever so nice to have you here..please stay!

And I'm gonna PM you sometime soon..have some stuff I'd like to say to you!

Just finished watching "Two for the Money". A pretty good movie.

Yeah Skillet, I'm here. Just got back from my parents in Hemet so am just catching up on what went on in the world for the 6 hours I was away.

Took them to see V for Vendetta; for me it's the second time- and I'll probably see it a few more time before I get it on dvd. Really powerful movie- so many contemporary images and symbols woven together into a pretty well-told story. There are moments it gets a little preachy, but overall, it's really great. It could become the Fahrenheit 911 in this- the political season of our discontent.

Betty, I've been keeping up with your tribulations and am amazed at the spirit you've been able to maintain. I've said a prayer for you and your husband every night; I hope god is listening and that she choses to hear our pleas for salvation.

WS