TO BE A WOMAN IN AMERICA - SHMULEY BOTEACH (JERUSALEM POST, OCTOBER 24): Just think about what it's like to be a woman in America today. Everything about you says you're not good enough. You're not pretty enough to be on the cover of Vogue or Cosmopolitan. You're not fit or thin enough, so you better go on some new diet. Your legs are not long enough to have you saunter down a fashion show runway. Your breasts are not large enough, so you must therefore consider mutilating your body to make them more appealing. Your hair is not blond enough; your eyes are not blue enough. Even your brain, according to the president of Harvard University, is not good enough to compete with a man's brain in the important disciplines of science and mathematics.
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid...ticle%2FPrinter

You have NO idea how often I've felt this way, and I'm not even as bad as most women. The point he makes about women feeling like they always have to have the looks and energy of a 25 year old and men have to make money or they are not men is quite true. This is an epidemic sociological nightmare in the US.

Is there anything else you liked, or did not like, about this article?

I feel like I've lived this article most of my life.

Many years ago when I was doing clinical work in a University setting, I
was always amazed that most of the students I saw who were suicide risk,
were female, attractive, smart and reasonably well liked. One client I remember very well had just won second place in a national essay contest. Another had
recently been runner-up in a state level beauty contest. The fact is we have developed a very dis-functional culture. While it is a little more difficult for women or any minority group member, it is not that great for white Christian or non-Christian males.

Sadly, we are a culture of IMAGE not SUBSTANCE. Look at TV (I'd rather not) - - We are bombarded with images of sleek cars, gorgeous women who wear a size zero, pursued by tall, dark men (with a 2 day growth and no socks).

Get real!

Howard Beale was right:

" "You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal! You do! Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion!"

"Television is not the truth! Television is a goddamned amusement park!"

This evening while ironing my clothes, and scrolling through the television channels, not wanting to watch the 5th rerun of Lou Dobbs town hall meeting on illegal immigration, I tuned in to watch 20 minutes of America's Top Model. It caught my eye because these young women were pretending to be runway models on top of some dinner table with people sitting on both sides of the table, judging their appearance. I thought they looked like strippers rather than runway models. If that wasn't pathetic enough, there was this Indian girl on there who looked great, IMO. I watched the judges and other women on the show berate her on national television for 10 minutes about how fat she is and how she is weak because she eats too much and found myself thinking about all the women with severe eating disorders I've seen over the years. And the ones I know who have died of eating disorders over the years. And how incredibly difficult eating disorders are to treat. And all the young girls I watch like hawks for development of eating disorders. And I wonder what kind of message that modeling reality television show is sending out to the young women in our country today.

I thought it was a disgusting perversion of humanity to see them berate this clearly healthy woman for being "too fat."

Oh, and last week got a little peek of the reality show "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders." Again, the coaches are talking about healthy looking (totally thin) women as being "too chunky" and showing other women with breast implants and incredibly toned bodies scantily clad in outfits resembling those worn at Hooters pining and yearning for nothing more than to be one of the 'veterans' on the Cheerleading team.

And I'm thinking do these women have any value other than a tight ass, perky big breasts, big teeth and a characteristic dumbfounded stupidity about them that makes them think a short lived career as a pom pom wielding soft porn cheerleader - who does nothing except cheer the real players in life on - is the epitome of life's accomplishments. Much, much worse than the cheerleaders, however, were the older women who primped and prodded these younger women and told them they were fat under the guise of being "coaches" or "judges." Do these women have no morals or ethics at all? These women see "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader" as the epitome of their career. And this is what our teenagers are watching.

At least on Donald Trump's reality show - that grotesque tribute to capitalism and greed gone amuk - the women were using their brains and batting their eyes on occasion - to make their own mark on the world around them. At least they were treated as second class human beings - rather than mindless two dimensional sexual objects.

That young woman needs to grow a backbone and tell those other women to kiss her @$$. Buying into the fantasy of fabricated beauty is a myth that stunts the true beauty of women around the world. A woman must first see herself as beautiful before she is ever truly beautiful. Nothing from the outside can validate her beauty. And a real man does not just look at a woman to see beauty, he senses a woman in terms of a whole human being... as a friend, a companion, a confidant, an connection to nature and to life itself. The women in my life know they are beautiful and loved unconditionally... no matter what because I know the beauty they have shines from within as a glow of love and grace that I am blessed to know.

Because a picture is worth a thousand words - here are the America's Top Model "contestants." The one on the bottom right hand side is the one they told repeatedly in front of the cameras and all the other girls that she was "too fat."



And here's the billing for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Reality TV show:



I can't find any photos but use your imagination.

Oh, and that's not to mention the recent press coverage of some guy running for governor (a Democrat, to boot) who wrote a book describing women in sexual acts with fruit. I can't stand his republican competitor but my God. And the recent news of the top Muslim cleric somewhere who said women who didn't wear the hijab were like meat left uncovered in the alleyway for cats to come buy and eat at will - and thus responsible for being raped.

None of them look happy...

I agree with everything else you wrote, but you sound grossly misinformed about Webb's books and what they are about.

Maus, good to know you are so supportive of the women in your life. But how exactly is a woman who is inundated with today's media supposed to see herself as beautiful when the world around her tells her that she is not? And I also think your comments bring to light the whore/virgin dichotomy that continues to hem women in around the world - with the virginal female being portrayed as the woman who glows and shines with love and grace from within - mysteriously knowing she is beautiful despite all the messages to the contrary - and shining her love and grace for all to see.

I've totally bought into that version for most of my life. And you know what? It's just another form of two dimensional, non-authentic personhood. Albeit, the better of the two choices.

You're right, Maus. None of them do.

Primarily through the nurture of her parents - from the very beginning in childhood... but also through the love and respect of her family and friends throughout her life. At times the noise of the marketing mass media can overwhelm a young woman's good judgment, but with reassurance and support from those who truly care, provide the pillars of support and balance is restored. Virginity is an over rated state of being... it is not so much a virgin be but more so what is in the mind that counts. Would I think more or less if my wife had sex before our marriage? Absolutely not. It's none of my business. What was before was before. Should love and devotion depend on something I did before or that she did before? Ridiculous! What a fallacy! The sparkle of love in my wife's eyes and in the eyes of my children is all the beauty and grace a man could ever hope for... everything else is just so much noise.

Oh, Maus, that was just lovely. She's a lucky girl.

I am not unique in this regard... dare I say... most true men would agree...

Would that were true

Then we must make it so...

OT - the sirens done loved him up....

Seeing that video makes me think there is no hope that that will ever be true.

We live in, and encourage, a free market community. The way to get people to buy your products fastest, and most often, is to make them see a NEED.

You NEED our toothpaste or your smile won't be kissable. You NEED our deodorant, or people will find you disgusting. You NEED our hair color, because you're WORTH it.

You NEED our make-up to look beautiful. You NEED our razor to have smooth, touchable skin. You NEED our cream to get rid of cellulite. You NEED Calgon to take you away.

You NEED our medicine to be healthy. You NEED our cleaning supplies to keep your home disinfected for your family. You NEED our bed to get a good night's sleep. You NEED an expensive house to keep up with the Joneses.

You NEED to drink our beer to be in the company of real men. You NEED our car to get the girls. You NEED our music to be part of the scene. You NEED our muscle machine to build the muscles you NEED to get the prettiest girls.

You NEED our weight loss program to fit into size 2 clothing. You NEED size two clothing in order to compete with the beautiful women for the grand prize - an adoring husband who will financially enable you to continue BUYING.

And on, and on, AD nauseum.

The healthiest child I ever met was self assured, creative, intelligent, earnest, and looked totally out of place among her well dressed, well coiffed peers. Why? Because there was no television in her remote, rural home. Only books, parents who participated in her daily life, and real conversations.

The. "social validation" process depicted above regarding body image and self-conceptualization is similarilly going on in all of our activity--including participation in CGCS. It is just as important to be right as to be beautifull.

No, it's more important. Course, I would say that, because I'm way more likely to be right!

In any case Peg .. I'm with you.

External Beauty has a short life span. Inner beauty is life long.

I think the issue is would you act irrationally to achieve one more than the other?

Sorry, Snuffy... I guess that video charmed me and thought it would do the same for others... my mistake...

Probably. I'm human. If I had a million dollars, I'd probably have a little nip and tuck.

While a true man may stand up for women's rights to be who they are, and can even help the women in his life to see themselves as beautiful and worthwhile. Women need to stand up for themselves more. Not by bashing men, but by understanding who we really are. Only then can women see the the worth we men really place in you. We can't get away from seeing ourselves in each other's eyes. For women it has meant survival for themselves and their children for hundreds of thousands of years. But that is all of mankind because all men come from women.

But when we let the Madison avenue types tell us what a woman or a man should look like and be like we gave up our power. That doesn't mean that we don't want to look as good as we can. But it is about more than looks and even money. It has to be in the end about joy and love in each others company and that takes many forms.

Women have tried to look good for the man's eye since the begining, but a woman's eye is just as important as a man's. Maybe more so, since she is more apt to look beneath the surface in the man. Because though it is said that women are what men have made them. The truth is that it is through a woman's eye that mankind continued and evolved. In her eyes was the answer all men seek when he took her hand. And she decided how fast to run away. We men know this secret about you. And we tried for millennia to make sure you never discovered it. But it is past time for women to dance men into a different self image. This can never be done through telling a man how to be a man. And not by trying to change a man you saw as a diamond in the rough. Nor by staying when you should go. No true man will ever change that way. Both men and women need to learn the art of cherishing each other.

I love and have loved all kinds of women. Though I admit not well enough. But I at least know, they are all wonderful, and my man's world would mean nothing without them. You ladies lend a precious grace and a warmth to a hard world. And I wouldn't want to live in it without you.

I know I'm rambling. But I just saw a french film on DVD last night and I'm still reeling. It's a love story. It's called the "Battle of the Brave" and I never saw love and cherishment depiced so well.

I want to see that film. When was it made?

add: I see. 2004. AKA Nouvelle-France. It does sound good, and has several familiar
(not French) faces.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0386669/

TRoU, this is a wonderful post! I needed to hear something like this and I really appreciate it. I have a lot to learn...

THE CONDITION OF WOMEN

In the 19th and 20th centuries, the condition of women improved the most in economically progressive areas dominated by Western culture. In developing areas dominated by non-Western culture, however, women remain more or less subjugated, and in some countries they are stripped of any human rights, according to Michelle Fram Cohen, writing in fall 2006 issue of THE INDEPENDENT REVIEW.

Injustices directed against women -- including the denial of property rights, dowry-related subjugation, and lack of legal protections -- are often widely accepted cultural norms handed down from generation to generation, Cohen explains. So-called "honor killings," committed by relatives for "shame" brought on a family, still claim the lives of thousands of women each year. Although Turkey has passed a law imposing life sentences on those convicted of honor killings, a survey showed that almost 40% of respondents supported the abominable practice. "In 2005, the Pakistani government rejected a pro-women bill that sought to strengthen the law against the practice of honor killing," Cohen writes.

In contrast, the overall picture of women in the developing countries is one of growing educational and professional opportunities, Cohen argues: "Sweeping legal reforms have opened many doors for women in Western countries, but women have not always taken full advantage of these reforms. As in developing countries, customary law may still prevail over the formal law. It is up to both men and women to challenge the traditional norms to bring about a genuine change in women's condition."

"The Condition of Women in Developing and Developed Countries," by Michelle Fram Cohen (THE INDEPENDENT REVIEW, Fall 2006)
http://www.independent.org/publications/ti...7&articleID=602

Subscribe to THE INDEPENDENT REVIEW
http://www.independent.org/store/tir/subscriptions.asp

You and me both Gabrielle. You and me both.

Movements to effect changes in the culture giving women more equality have had a positive effect on further democratising goverments and other cultural institutions
just as further democratizing all of our institutions will improve the status of
women and other minority groups. What is sorely needed are more ways to
directly improve the way human beings perceive and conceptualize all human
beings--regardless of sex, race, socioeconomic status or whatever. Let's let it be the age of the Person. This suggests a National movement in support of, and in celebration of the Person .

I agree. But such advancements exist in my opinion to facilitate the spiritual liberation of mankind. So that the Man and the Woman can be fully the wonderful beings they are.

We should do it all for the Glory of Love!

I prefer to think of the total liberation of human kind.

I prefer to think of the total liberation of human kind.

Accept advertising for what it is....selling something or getting you to buy into.
Sooo teach your children that there is no difference between a BP oil add and a clothing add.
That beauty use to be a couple in a oil by product car made with smelted metals and lead based paint smoking cigarettes. What did your parents by into?

Fathers need to tell their daughters what beauty is and mothers need to show them. Now the sons???? when is the great reality of what is sexy or beautiful introduced????

Tell your kids Dove has caught on to the new beauty campaigns or real women but they probably still airbrush the adds!

Most teenagers now how to photo shop mom and pop. What is their ideals of real beauty?

Its the culture, Idiot.

May GOD specially BLESS whoever created this one, (Must Read to the
JUST A MOM?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office
was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder,
"do you have a job or are you just a......?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,"
said the recorder emphatically.


i forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the
same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like,
"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."


"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it?
I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
looked up as though she had not heard right.


I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest,
"just what you do in your field?"

&g t;Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
"I have a continuing program of research,
[what mother doesn't)
in the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
and already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the
rewards are
more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into o ur driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and
indispensable to mankind than
"just another Mom." Motherhood!


What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.


Does this make grandmothers
"Senior Research associates in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations"
and great grandmothers
"Executive Senior Research Associates"?
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts
"Associa te Research Assistants".

Please send this on to another Mom,
Grandmother,
Aunt,
and other friends you know.

May your troubles be less,
your blessings be more
and nothing but happiness come through your door!
AMEN!!