Tonight my dad and I had a talk on our way to the movies. I don't know what will happen, but he seemed to accept me. He said he would never disown me or hate me. I also tried to explain the best that I could about who I am. I will always love my parents no matter what happen. If he has any questions I'll be open with him, but I don't want to overload him. We even hugged before I left.

I will make this statement though:

Being transgender isn't being gay. Transgender is very different from Gay, yet there are some people who are transgender and are gay. Going after any group for being who they are is wrong. I have no agenda to turn the world into what I am. I have no agenda to cause people to become what I am. I'm not ashamed of who I am. Being me is just what I do best.

Do you mean bi-sexual?

I'm so glad you were able to talk to him about it and he responded so well. I bet it feels like a load off your shoulders.

Transgender is different it is more about the heart and there are many levels to it. Transgender is most likely one of the most UNIQUE ones out there because everyone is unique and different. It is hard to discribe.

Well i'm glad you were able to tell your father. I'm still not sure what transgender is but if it means the possiblity of marrying a man or woman its ok with me. I feel people should be accepted for who they are and not rely on our faith to be the judge of others.

No matter what, you should always be proud of who you are.

Congrats on expressing yourself to your dad.

I'm glad it turned out so well. Things are looking up.

I remember when I had a talk with my Fundamentalist Christian parents and told them I no longer believed the teachings of Christianity. They had taught me those things from birth. I was taken to church services since infancy.

They were not happy to say the least. They did not really want to believe it. But they did not reject me or cut me off or in any way ostracize me.

You just have to be truthful and honor your self. The approval that comes from faking something you are not is empty and not worth having.

Congratulations on honoring your self, and having integrity.

That is why it is so different. For me it isn't about marrying a man. I still like females. Sometimes it depends on Hermone treatment. I choice to not take any. I also do not wish to change my body because it wouldn't be fully female. The only way I would ever change myself is if there was a way to become complete. For me it isn't really enough to be part way there and not fully there. That was my reason for not changing myself.

I had to accept my male side as well as my female side. The hardest part for anyone is finding a balance of who they are. I also don't hate being born male even though that isn't my heart. I've learned that who I am is not based on the body, but on what is inside. I also don't have to crossdress and that isn't what drives me. It is more about the inner self for me.

I will say that I am unique in this because there are others who feel different about themselves. That is why it is hard to really say what the true answer is on what Transgender is. Every person is different on how they accept themselves.

I did a search on Webster real quick and this is what I got:

: exhibiting the appearance and behavioral characteristics of the opposite sex

so does this mean you share femine characsterics such as facials and other types of feminism? I was also wondering if you could give me some examples as well. I'm not trying to make fun of you or no pun intended. I'm just curious in learning more. I've done things that the typical males don't do but I still consider myself the average joe. I'll once in a while put on some masque stuff to help my face out.

you are so brave.

Your Dad is lucky your his kid.

I'm very glad that your father decided to let his love for you conquer his prejudice. I hope the day will come when people can live in this country free to be themselves. We have a very long way to go.

It's one of the most important things that will happen to you, God bless both of you! Keep in mind how far he's gone for you, don't become a brat, repay honor with honor.

Congratulations Jason for being courageous enough to tell your father, he will need time to adjust, but it sounds like he'll do fine. There are many transgender people that find moving within the gay community is the most accepting place to spend pre-op portions of their lives. Several transgenders I've known feel the need to move away from the gay community after their surgery. Whatever feels right for you, follow your gut instincts and your heart.You can always return for LGBT Pride festivals!

I'm very proud of you Jason.

And proud of your dad.

Congratulations. *hugs* I'm glad everything went okay for you and your dad. Good luck with your mom. I think it's great you're being who you are. Good luck in the future with everything.

There are some things that I do without knowing it like the way I hold my pillow at night or look at my finger nails. However it is more about the heart. Deep down I feel my soul is the oppisite sex. I debated going full way and changing my body but I don't think I would be happy about it.

Interesting. Thanks for more info. I think it'd suck and be hard to be stuck in an opposite body of what my soul is.

I don't consider that transgender. The reason is it seems like a sterotype to me. I'm a person who uses face masques and do rather odd things, but I still consider myself a guy and not a transgender. My friend could be transgender. He seems very femine even for a guy. I mean the reason why I met him in the first place is because he acted like a girl on the internet, but in life turned out to be a guy in the end. It did make me mad at first, but I accept him for who he is and how he acts. I do get onto sometimes for doing the same stuff he did to me. It seems to have stopped for now.

Jason, the most important thing is You! Do You feel better after telling him?
I hope so. Speaking as a parent, no matter what life brings my kids, I will always love them for who they are, nothing could take that away! I'm sure your dad feels the same way, even if he needs time. That's great that you decided to share with him...

Jason:

Your parents may have a struggle with this but I feel this will provide the chance for better relationships in the future.

If I were asked why I am heterosexual, I couldn't tell you. And I doubt if others could either. You might ask your parents that question and see what explanations they offer. I believe it will get easier for all of you if it gets discussed from time to time and not avoided. There are too many other taboo topics that hinder moving relationships to a further plane.

You are to be admired for your personal courage.

lenal

Whatever makes you happy would be perfect.
Stating that, I support your decisions and wish you the best. I hope everything works out.

Those are just a few habits I have. When I first found out who I was I researched it online. I also have friends on different levels. I've known about who I am for a long time. A doctor has checked my male hermone levels or whatever it is called for a guy. I'm just so used to using the word hermone instead. I'm naturally below average for what a male is. My emotional level is that of a female.

I've never been closed minded about who I am and explored to understand more about what I am. It is hard to discribe about what makes me who I am because most people like this don't understand why they are this way. It is also why you can not just wake up and decide you are this way. It is because I've been in female clothes that I know that isn't what makes me who I am. I can be in male clothes or female clothes and I'll still feel the same on the inside.

I know I'm not sexual attracted to guys because I've been in the same room as other guys and felt nothing. I still like females, but I'm not sexually driven to have a relationship. When I was in the other set of clothes it wasn't sexually driven either. It was also in the privacy of a room and not out in public.

Being PREGNATE is the reason why I will not have surgey on myself to become female. That is something I'll never be able to experience and it would be very sad to be in the true form of what I feel inside watching others being able to carry a child inside them. To someone who is Transgender giving birth to a child is the hardest gifts of life we will never be able to experience. You don't know how much Transgender people envy natural females because of it. I know one friend to this day who changed and became female. She is very depressed because she wants to be a mother.

Till they figure out a way I can be a mother to a child of my own birth. I will be what I am and have learned to live with it. I'll never be complete till that day happens. I've found a balance in my life, but that is the one thing I'll never be able to do is experience what it is like to be a mother. All of you who are mothers out there cherish who you are and that child because that is the greatest gift of life and only you have that ability.

That took guts buddy!...Congrats. Maybe you can rest a little easier.

Whereas trans-sexualism is a man getting a sexual kick out of wearing womens clothing (which it often is), trans-gender is the emotional feeling that you are a boy in a girls body or vice-versa. It requires going to a see a specialist transgender psychiatrist for two years before being prescribed hormone drugs. In this country (the UK where I am) there have been a couple of instances where men have changed gender and then regretted it later in life.

Trig

That is another reason why I decided not to go with changing myself. I think the reason why some regret it is because you are thrown into a world that you do not know. There is a lot to being a woman then just the body. There is the experiences that all female go through. If I was to change I wouldn't understand and have to learn quickly as a adult what most women learn during their childhood. Even if they found a way for a man to be able to give birth to a child I would be afraid of going through with it.

How can you teach a child or be there for that child when you never experienced the same childhood they are living through. For me I want a full life as a woman. I want to start off from being a little girl and learn. I want to experience every moment that it means to be a real girl. That is why childhood is so important because we learn the basic building blocks of who we will become when we are children. I just can't picture a life without a childhood.

These are also decisions I made that reflect my idealogy of who I am right now. I know I can never become a child again. I know life is not fantasy. I know from balancing this life with my true wish that reality can be stranger then fiction. I'm also willing to live on as who I am because I can't just give up on this life that I have now. I have to make the best of everything that I have because we are only given one life to live.

I'll make another note as well: I may have finished college, but that isn't going to stop me from going back. By understanding myself I decided that I want to become one of those transgender psychiatrist. I may not be able to make my wish come true, but by learning more about who I am I hope to someday help others going through the same choices in life. This is the life long goal that I have declared for myself.

Jason,

First of all - much Love and support to you for having the courage to tell your dad who you really are. I know how hard that was to do, and I can only imagine the relief you must be feeling right now.

If you're ever interested in finding TG support groups in your area, please let me know - I'd be happy to refer you to some. Through my work with the GLBT community, I've come across tons of resources Nation-wide. I also have a number of TG friends who I know would be happy to talk with you as well.

Let me know if there is anything I can do, now or in the future, to support you.
My email address is sapphire@htmidwest.org if you ever want to drop me a line.

I sent you a private message with a question because if this is who I think it is then you might be shocked to know that we already know each other. The Sapphire I know though will know the answer. It is the only way I can be safe that this is the Sapphrie I know.

Jason: Two things--First, I applaud your courage tremendously, but second, I really appreciate the "education" you are providing for us. When I hear this term used in issues around diversity, I want to ask exactly what it means--and I've been embarrassed to do so for fear of looking insensitive or ignorant. To hear that the answer is different for every individual and that there are many layers to this reality is so helpful. I wish we could get to a place where we could just accept people for who they are. Again, thank you so much for your courage.

OK, I'm gonna be insensitive and ignorant here.


I gotta say this hasn't clarified anything for me. Here's what I thought transgender meant:

(actually, I've always thought the term was transsexual)

There are people who feel they are a (man/woman) trapped in a (woman's/man's) body. I always thought it had to do with sexual attraction. That is, wanting to have heterosexual sex with people of their current physical sex. Some have operations to switch over, some are gay, and some just live with it, albeit in various states of misery. I have understood that many such people are, in fact, borderline physically. That is, not all fetuses develop 100% male or 100% female - there are gray areas. Occasionally someone is really half-and-half - an hermaphrodite. Others may be mostly male or mostly female by appearances, but hormonally (and thus emotionally) more like the other.

But having so-called feminine feelings while being male physically would not be transgender. It would just be maybe a nicer guy than the typically macho redneck chauvinest pig ! Transgender would refer to those who actually take the plunge and cross over surgically to the other sex.

Or maybe I've confused the whole thing with transsexual, and transgender is something else entirely?

This is why there are so many different areas. Transgender is one term and that is what I am. A friend of mine that I know is transsexual. There is also the term Transvestite.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender

Transgender is generally used as a catch-all umbrella term for a variety of individuals, behaviors, and groups centered around the full or partial reversal of gender roles;
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Transsexual people are people who desire to have, or have achieved, a different physical sex from what they had at birth. One typical (though oversimplified) explanation is of a "woman trapped in a man's body" or vice versa; many transsexuals state that they were in fact always (for example) of the female gender, but were assigned the male gender as a child on the basis of their genitals, and having realized that they are women, wish to change their bodies to match.

The process of physical transition for transsexuals usually includes hormone replacement therapy, and may include sexual reassignment surgery.

Some spell the term transexual with one s in order to reduce the association of their identity with psychiatry and medicine.

[edit]
Transsexual "vs." Transgender
Transgender is often used as a euphemistic synonym for transsexual people by some. The reasoning for this is that it removes the conceptual image "sex" in "transsexual" that implies transsexuality is sexually motivated, which it is not. This usage is problematic because it can cause transgender people who do not identify as transsexual to be confused with them.

Furthermore, many transsexuals reject the term "transgender" as an identification for themselves - either as a synonym or as an umbrella term. They advance a number of arguments for this. One argument is that the use of the umbrella term inaccurately subsumes them and causes their identity, history, and existence to be marginalized. Another is that they perceive transgender to be the breaking down of gender barriers, whereas transsexual people themselves usually identify as men or as women - just not as they were assigned at birth. A third occasionally mentioned is that they did not change gender at any point - they have always had their gender (identity), and the difficulty is their sex, which they desire to change. However, others point out that transsexual people do change their gender role at some point, and that most non-transsexual transgendered people always had their gender identity, too.

A more problematic dispute with the use of the term "transsexual" is that it refers to processes of chemical and/or anatomical modification that do not actually render an individual reproductively viable after transition processes, nor change sex chromosomes. Particularly, crticism of transsexual women by some feminists includes the contention that their transition is cosmetic rather than fundamental, and they are thus not "really" changing their sex at all (thus the use of transgender) - these critics claim that the presumption of reproductive viability is what distinguishes "women" from "men". This argument is used to discount the rights of identification and association with other women that transsexual women might claim. However, many arguments that link whether someone is a "woman" or a "man" based on reproductive capability, or chromosomes, fall apart when considering non-transsexual people who are infertile or non-transsexual men or women who have a chromosomal configuration contrary to other men and women in the general population.

Probably many of these problems are associated with the history of the term "transgender" and its other definitions; see above.

To respect the identity of those transsexual people who do not identify as transgender, the constructions trans, trans*, or transgender and transsexual may be used.
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The term remains in flux, but the most accepted definition is currently:

People who were assigned a gender at birth, based on their genitals, but who feel that this is a false or incomplete description of themselves.
Another one is: Non-identification with, or non-presentation as, the gender one was assigned at birth.

Transgendered people may or may not have had medical gender reassignment therapy, and may or may not have any interest in such a procedure.

When referring to the two basic "directions" of transgender, the terms Transman for female-to-male (which may be further abbreviated to FtM) transgendered people and Transwoman for male-to-female (which may be further abbreviated to MtF) transgendered people are often used. In the past it had always been assumed that there were considerably more transwomen than transmen. However, the ratio is approaching 1:1.

Transgender can include a number of sub-categories, which, among others, include transsexuals, cross-dressers, transvestites, consciously androgynous people, drag kings and drag queens. Usually not included, because in most cases it is not a gender issue (although in practice the line can be hard to draw) are transvestic fetishists.

Many people also identify as plainly transgender, although they may fit the definition of any of the previously mentioned categories as well.

The opposite of transgender is cisgender.

The terms gender dysphoria and "gender identity disorder" are used in the medical community to explain these tendencies as a psychological condition and the reaction to its social consequences.

The extent of how intersex people are included in the transgender category is often debated. Not all intersex people have a problem with the gender role they were assigned at birth, nor do all intersex people have any problems with gender identity. Those who have, though, are sometimes included in transgender.

[edit]
Other definitions
Originally, the term transgender was coined in the 1970s by Virginia Prince in the USA, as a contrast with the term "transsexual," to refer to someone who does not desire surgical intervention to "change sex," and/or who considers that they fall "between" genders, not identifying strictly to one gender or the other, identifying themselves as neither fully male, nor female.

[edit]
Transgenderists
Often in older writings (pre ~1990s), but rarely today, the term transgender is used to refer to these "non-op transsexuals" or "non-op transpeople" - transpeople or transsexuals who live as the gender opposite to their birth gender and, though sexual reassignment surgery is possible, have chosen not to undergo it; sometimes they also choose not have other medical gender reassignment therapy. However, sometimes, for example in the Netherlands (but not in the rest of Europe) the term transgender is still in use for this particular group instead of being used as such an umbrella term.

This group is also sometimes known as Transgenderists or non-op transsexual.

[edit]
Transgender as "in between"
Transgender is sometimes also used specifically in an "in-between" sense, rather than as an umbrella term.

A newer related term is genderqueer, which refers to the mixing of qualities traditionally associated with "male" and "female," and can also refer to the "in-between" sense sometimes associated with transgender or transgenderism .

Good for you Jason!

Speaking as a mother, I can only say that all I ever want for my son is his happiness. I'm glad you found the courage to look for yours.

I think your parents must be very special. They taught you to stand up for your beliefs. That has been obvious with the work you've been doing on this forum. I believe they taught you to take the lead when you believe in something.

And so I not only say congrats to you Jason, but also to your family. You can be proud of each other.

Jason--congrats on being so brave! I truly am proud of you, and I hope you continue trying to educate people on transgenderism because so many people don't understand.

Actually, I just saw an excellent documentary on transgendered persons on Discovery Health (or Times...can't remember) the other day. It really opened my eyes to the differences between transgenders and transsexuals, and to the struggles transgendered persons have with feeling comfortable with themselves. It was all very fascinating!

((((Jason))))

I'm glad you were able to tell your Dad about who you are. I know there is often a lot of fear involved in telling your family something like that. It takes courage on both your parts to move forward through this with love and respect for each other.

Good for you! You can't be anything but who you are, but I remember the family turmoil when my youngest brother told my Baptist preacher parents he was gay. My dad took it okay, it was very difficult for my mother, but now, nearly 30 years later, our family is stronger than ever and my brother and his life partner are very much a part of who WE are as a family. It's taught us all new lessons of tolerance and acceptance.

My prayer will be that you encounter that same love and acceptance on your journey.

Jason,

I hope you have a therapist to talk through your feelings. One familar with trans gender people. The decisions to alter,or not alter yourself physically, are best done with a supportive therapist. Many years ago most gay people thought they would never be parents, but science has made that possible for many gay and lesbian couples. The option of a suragate mother, or adoption might be more realistic for transgender folks that want children. Altering the appearance of sex organs would be child's play compared to an artifical or transplanted working womb.

Congrats, Jason, and to your father as well.